45 TODAY......THAT'S MADNESS!!!

It is my birthday today. I was up at 7am, with the sound of crows and parrots in my ears, from the trees in the garden. 7am on a Saturday morning, is this the way it is going to be from now on? So at 45 years old, is this where the moaning gene kicks in, and all I talk about is the weather, lack of parking spaces at the post office, and arguing about who puts the recycling bin out? I am scared though. Do I get taken over by alien beings that bring me brown, plastic, slip on shoes, and zip up jumpers, with the pictures of mountains and skiers across the front, and I get the ring and ride bus to the bingo, and hope that I get a winning line for a packet of lamb chops? I thought I found a varicose vein on my lower leg, this morning, but it was just a piece of chewed Bombay mix, well that is what it tasted like. But I will enjoy my 45th today, and then we’ll see what happens in the morning, after too much lager and smelly vindaloo breath. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, BREAD AND BUTTER IN THE GUTTER, AND YOU SMELL JUST LIKE PEE. CHEEEEEEEEEEERS X

Responsible courses

I did a RSA(Responsible Service of Alcohol ) course today. There was about 18 youngens there on the course, plus myself, and an old biker called Mick, who rode a Harley Davidson, who I had never met before.

This course now enables me to work in a bar, sensibly, if that is possible. The day course ended with an assessment before we were given our pass certificate, which was mostly multiple choice. Personally, after a few too many beers last night, I didn’t really take as much information into my numbed brain cells as what I should have done. So before myself, and Mick, the biker had even put our pens to paper, all the youngens had finished, put their pens in their pencil cases, and left.

Luckily, the course tutor wanted to get off early because she had an afternoon barbecue to go to, so she gave us the answers we could not get, just to get rid of us. Sometimes it pays to be older, stupid, and pissed. So basically, if I serve someone in the future who is inebriated and they get knocked down by a bus, skateboarder, parachutist, or a horse and cart, on their way home, then I am not responsible, am I?

Next week I am doing a RSG(Responsible Service of Gambling) course. Let us hope that I get the same tutor who wants to go to a barby again. What would be the odds on that happening? Anybody want to make a bet with me that I pass again next week? I bet you ten pints I pass...

My new book, Letcher-Grinder-Fish-Poe, Available Now

Letcher-Grinder-Fish-Poe is a book where reality crosses over with the surreal. Four great friends, who have known each other since childhood, meet up once a month for beer swilling; piss taking, illegal substances, betting on the horses, and the usual madness that follows their money winning prowess. This particular weekend is somewhat different to normal though, and basically nobody has a damn clue what the hell is going on around them. They find themselves in a place that is called Shinagoggy, a place where nothing makes any sense, that is, unless you are already insane. Why would you find yourself travelling through snow covered forests of Monkey Puzzle trees, while at the same time trying to steer a 1970’s ice-cream van to a pub called Chef Rhino Triple Greeds, with two, very strange, smelly and unpredictable dwarfs called Justin and Lennie? Then there is an ice-cream man called Steve, who you haven’t seen since you were at primary school together and was supposed to have been killed in a quarry accident in 1972. Why is the snowy countryside strewn with items of disused furniture and smelly work boots? Why do people go to the pub dressed in evening wear, just so that they can sharpen pencils? Who are the Blame Police, and why is the sheriff a woman who likes the death sentence? Who is Mister Lucky, and why does he wear a leotard while riding a child size bicycle? Who is Acrylic? He Pinched Rogers Trifle, what does that mean? Who is Polyester? What is Helicopter Shred Finger? Why is Different, the dwarf, wearing a Ten Gallon Hat covered in Sellotape? What does celery do? Why is it best to wear sunglasses in the pub at midnight? What colour bowler hat does Steve wear? Who is Kack? Do astronauts really support Manchester United? What is the Incontinence Law? Who gets killed and buried every week of the year? What is a Field Dwarf? What is the last drink you would ever want to get served in the pub? What does Letcher smell in the air? Who gets arrested in just his underpants? There are many questions I could ask, but I know for a fact that you couldn’t possibly answer them without reading the book. So do yourself a favour, when the book is released, be one of the first to purchase it before it becomes the best seller of the century. Then you can say that you learned the answers to all the above questions before anybody else got a look in. So if you love the mad, insane and the humorous, then you will love Letcher-Grinder-Fish-Poe. I dare you to buy a copy and have the most enjoyable, insane read, ever.

Click on the link below to order a copy......happy reading folks...

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.lulu.com%2Fcontent%2Fpaperback-book%2Fletcher-grinder-fish-poe%2F8362355&h=62de4

My new painting- Titled Acromegaly

This is my new painting which is
titled Acromegaly. Tell me if you like it or not.

Letcher-Grinder-Fish-Poe

My new book will be released very soon. For more information regarding its release and a little idea of what it's all about, then check out my web site http://www.wix.com/davethebear/davethebear

HUMID

Well what can I say, it's been one of the most hottest and humid days I can remember. As soon as I stepped out of the shower this morning I felt as though I needed to go back in again. So after my fourth T-shirt of the day I decided to stay naked,and the way we were supposed to be when we ventured out of the oceans and up into the trees. Well,the naked stance lasted up until the postman came with a parcel around 3pm, and then I had to shout through the door for the postman to wait a while, while I made myself presentable so I could sign for my package(the parcel that is, not my doodah)